For a long time, it felt like anxiety was there to stay. Full-blown panic attacks happened about 3-4 times that first year and I was anxious most of the time. I was in constant fear of the next attack. 

The only thing I knew to do was PRAY.  At the time, I didn’t know anybody else that had experienced these bizarre attacks so I couldn’t get advice from friends. But prayer got me through one anxious moment at a time and eventually landed me at a store in front of one of those big bins piled full of clearance books that nobody else wanted. I tossed a couple books around and there she was… literally a whole book dedicated to using grounding and breathing techniques to control anxiety and prevent panic attacks!  I knew it was a God thing and I was hopeful..… read it quickly cover to cover, took notes, and started practicing. 

Then gradually over several months, I was able to start using the techniques effectively in real time... eventually, very slowly taking back control of my mind and my life.   The book didn't once mention mediation or yoga (that I remember). It was strictly about very specific breathing techniques and grounding strategies to take control of your mind to stop the irrational thoughts and reactions that lead to panic attacks.  It took years and lots of prayer and self-awareness & self-regulation work but I dug in and did the work and won.

It was 14 years after reading that God-sent self-help book before I took my first power yoga class (at our local YMCA).  I was immediately hooked on the challenging physical practice.  But like most people new to yoga, it took some time to realize the bigger picture and how much of an impact yoga was having on my life beyond the flexibility and strength.  Some of the same skills from the book that changed me in my 20's were resurfacing in my 30's through yoga.  It was fascinating to make the realization that I had actually recovered from anxiety a decade earlier using many of the same techniques I was learning through yoga (but without the asana/pose components).

There I was in South Alabama, happily married to my obvious match and living a life even more fun and fulfilling that I imagined!   I began practicing hot power yoga weekly and for several years I attended every workshop I could find, which led to becoming a yoga instructor and eventually a yoga business owner.  I'm right where I'm supposed to be and it was worth every bit of the messy!!!!!! 

The struggle and pain, the messy stuff makes you who you are, gives you character, and prepares you to live out your purpose. ​  

Today, my anxiety issues are long gone and when they even start to resurface I'm armed with tools. If you struggle with anxiety you MUST dig in to yoga. Please reach out for support!!  -Jamie

​But let’s rewind back to about 1996-ish, back in Louisiana to a giant piece of my story puzzle: ​

I could not drive over bridges, I was afraid to stay home alone during storms, I was terrified of any medical procedures, and lived in constant fear of the next anxiety attack.  I knew that if I didn’t get a grip and find effective treatment or tools that this disorder would ruin my future and any potential I had to create that passion-filled life I had been dreaming about since childhood. ​

None of it made sense. I was living a great life and was unaware of the stress that was present. I was tough minded and had my shit together and I just couldn't wrap my head around it.  Yes, there was the obvious stress of juggling a new full-time job, starting a new career (as a speech therapist in the school system), grad school at night after work, and planning a big southern wedding. But truthfully, it still did not seem like it should be enough stress to cause a disorder like that!  To me, it was normal young adult transition from single college to professional family life stress and it just shouldn't be causing this weak ass anxiety mental stuff.

Looking back, I've often wondered if there also may have been some  subconscious worry that I may not be on my right path.  I really thought getting married, having children, and building a traditional family was my next obvious successful living step.  But maybe my young heart knew that maybe it wasn't?  Maybe I didn't have the skills yet or the wisdom to listen.  Regardless, I do believe that great long relationship and short marriage was a huge wonderful part of my life though and the challenge of kicking anxiety's ass was an important part of my story!!! 

So on Valentine's Day 1999 my dad helped me load up a small U-haul with just enough to set up my 2 bedroom apartment in Orange Beach.  Just before we pulled out of my driveway in Slidell, La  he looked at me and said “Jamie, you know that this is about to be the biggest most expensive stumbling block of your life, right?”   As if I wasn't already worried enough!!!!!  And yes he definitely said it out of love but....   

 Parents and the people that love you the most are NOT ALWAYS right!! ​​

Beyond advice and guidance from people you trust:
Prayer,  stillness, and tuning in to your heart
​& intuition is usually your best guide. 

Thanks for caring about my little story and for following along here. 
The next blog is about how yoga came in to play!! & I do love me some yoga : )
​Jamie

​Originally from South Louisiana, I was the first born of 4 in a middle-class family with working parents that took good care of us. We grew up in a very small town and attended a very small school (I graduated with 91 other students). We lived in a friendly rural-ish neighborhood where we spent a lot of time outdoors with neighbors. My parents hosted frequent craw fish boils & cookouts, we had an above ground pool, basketball net, dirt bikes, outdoor pets, and a pool table (with a chilled beer keg for the adults). There was always something going on at the Johnson's house on Joan Drive.  In high-school I stayed busy with extra-curricular activities, working at Po-Boy's Food Mart (our town grocery store) and hanging out with friends.  From a young age, I was naturally self-motivated, optimistic, and driven. I was very responsible for my age too.

After graduating from LSU, I married my boyfriend that I dated for most of high-school and all of college (about 7 years). He was an awesome guy that treated me great, we had fun and we never fought.  My family and friends loved him too. ​ About the time we got married, I was getting more and more interested in personal development and strengthening my faith. I read inspirational books, attended church, listened to sermons, wrote down goals, and had really big dreams. I even went to an Anthony Robbins live event in Chicago, which was an incredible experience that strengthened my belief that you really can have it all.

Well, ONLY three years into our marriage, I decided that long range, we probably weren't a fit. I didn't know that for sure though, because we already had a stable life and were on track to start having kids and build a traditional family life.   We had been together since I was 15 years old and I was terrified that I was making a mistake.  This was a serious crossroad and a decision that I could regret for the rest of my life and I was well aware of it!

But I did it.  Through the fear, embarrassment, and guilt I followed my heart. I stood strong in my faith and believed that I could create an exciting and fulfilling life that might suit my fiery soul better.  And I was right.  I eventually found it in South Alabama..... 

I've owned quite a few but these are 3 of my favorites. ​

​All 3 of them are thinner travel style mats.  I like them because they are lightweight and compact and they work great for outdoor community classes and yoga studio classes too.
​

• The mat on the far left is actually my very first (good) yoga mat and it's still my #1 favorite.  This Jade mat has lasted the test of time- it is durable.  Yes, it's visibly worn and breaking down from use, but it's totally still usable and I think that just gives it character.  The surface of Jade mat's is a rough/grippy texture which is great to prevent slipping even in a sweaty class. Plus it is compact and easy to roll up and store.  It's hard to clean though, so I have to hose it down and let it air dry pretty often.  My friend Theresia bought me that mat in 2013, I love this mat and I love her. I'm going to write a blog about our wild fitness adventures together!!

 

• The mat on the far right is my newest mat, but it's about 2 years old. It's a Lululemon travel mat. They make thicker LuLu mats but like I said, I'm not a thick mat girl. You will just have to experiment to see if the extra cushy feel is worth the bulkiness/weight though because many people prefer thick. The surface texture off Lulu mats is smooth which feels really good to me and my favorite part is that it's extra easy to wipe down and clean a smooth mat.  Lulu mats have a slightly sticky texture too that helps with grip. It's my experience though that the the grip goes away and they get too slick over time. 

There are so many brands of yoga mats but here are two more that I'm very familiar with:
​Gaiam is a inexpensive and common brand you can find at Target or Walmart.  They work just fine! They are light, have a rough texture to help prevent slip, and come in tons of colors and designs.
Manduka mats are high-end and are extra thick and comfy. They also have a lifetime warranty, for real! They say they get better over time. People really love Manduka mats!! But I owned one and used it a few months and sold it to a friend (who loves it). It was way waaay too heavy and cumbersome for this girl on the go!!!! ​

When I woke up this morning wanting to be more focused and productive than I've been the last weeks,  I knew I had to get back to a solid morning routine .. it always delivers!!  The most grounded and inspired chapters of my life 100% correlate with the quality of my devotional life, prayer time, & self-care (which are all part of my morning routine).  Not sure why, but I have totally backslid on this uber important success tool. 

But I'm back at it!! (Fall off the wagon, get back on with even more determination!)
So I hopped out of bed and went straight to my cozy quiet spot and prayed for divine guidance then chose some random passages to study from a couple different devotionals.  Sometimes I read one but today I wanted MORE. And as expected, they were perfectly on point!   In total awe, I re-read them again, did a little journaling, flipped through my personal home-made inspiration book,  and ended with a brief meditation (1-2 minutes) to let all that good ju-ju integrate.  It took about 30 minutes total, but today was my jump start and I felt like some extra motivation! 

Here's a summary of my readings today. Maybe somebody else needs to hear the same message .....